The past few days I’ ve been sick and my throat was so sore that at one point I completely lost my voice. Not being able to speak brought me to realize that the ratio of ”thinking” to “speaking” is at least ten to one and it made me much more observative (and much more boring, I must admit).
A couple of days ago, after having a fun night out, Fra and I went looking for something to eat. We found a place, sat at a table and waited for our order to get ready. The place was full of young people. At some point two boys arrived and met their friends who were already sitting at a table. The boys were gay. They were chatting with their friends and they were smiling. Chatting like all the rest, not screaming “Watch me, watch me, I’ m so gay” and I am clearing this up because sometimes people want to draw attention, but this wasn’ t the case with these ones at all! A group of boys sitting at the table next to theirs whispered something to each other, then turned and laughed at them. The two boys lost their smile and one of them looked very uneasy and kind of ashamed. Then someone standing next to me said to his friend ” Look at those queers. If I wasn’ t this tired I would start a fight” and enlightened his friend about the details on them that made them gay to him and how much they disgusted him, talking intentionally loud enough for us ,but not the boys, to hear him, playing it safe still in a “macho” way, annoying me and everyone else around with at least half a brain. I felt anger. I hated him so much. I hate anyone who annoys me, especially stupid ugly people with so cheap taste in clothes and ridiculous haircuts, mean and uncultivated yet considering themselves righteous to judge everyone and make fun of people who don’ t provoke them one bit, who think big of themselves when they are just live garbage. I believe that if some people died they would really relieve the earth from their weight.
The whole time I was thinking that having no voice is a real torment. I had such a strong desire to tell them to shut up. At least I would get my voice back after my recovery. Some people may never even have the right to a “voice”.
